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The thing I hate about coming out is the way society expects it to go down.

When gay people come out, more often than not they are expected to almost have to beg for their families love, and if they receive it without having to, they are expected to be over the moon and rejoice and be thankful and think, “what loving family and friends I have”.

The way coming out should go down is the exact opposite. 

Families and friends should almost have to beg for your love, and should most definitely be apologetic for the homophobic shit they most likely put you through whilst you were still in the closet. They should be like, “I’m sorry I was a bigoted prick all these years, I hope you can still love me and forgive me”.

The thing that bothered me the most when I came out was that my families reaction was just, “of course we have no problem, we love you no matter what”… when what I really wanted was an apology. An apology for having been ignored for years, an apology for having to sit though homophobia not only by them, but by my extended family and their friends. But what I got was, “of course it’s not a problem, now lets not talk about it again and lets not bring up all the horrible shit that we said to you openly or allowed to be said about gay people openly because we don’t want to feel bad”.

It bothers me so much to this day how much society loves to praise straight people for being so accepting of gay people but no one ever praises gay people for accepting and loving their families through the years despite all the homophobia.

Society sees us coming out as something WE are DOING to our family. If our parents act homophobic towards us, it’s a normal process of acceptance. If we confront our parents for homophobia, we are ungrateful and rude and should give our parents and family members time to “deal” with this “shock”.

Why do straight people get empathy when WE come out? Why don’t WE get empathy for the way they treat us when we come out?

As a gay person, you get treated like you have intentionally harmed your family members when you come out, and society will empathise with how difficult it is to have a gay daughter/son. Not how difficult it is to exist in an extremely homophobic world as a gay person.

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